Are you an SLP working to build your skills in parent coaching?
In this episode, Bryony from www.saltbythesea.com come onto the podcast to share six helpful questions you can use in your parent coaching sessions. As we are still firmly rooted in Pandemic Times, many SLPs who may have been able to get on the floor and play with learners are now switching to a parent coaching model. This episode shares tips for transitioning to this more smoothly, plus why many SLPs (including us!) feel intimidated by parent coaching and what to do about it.
6 Helpful Questions to Use in Parent Coaching
Sarah: Hello and welcome to the SLP Happy Hour Podcast. Up today, it’s me, Sarah, in an interview where you’ll learn 6 helpful questions you can use in your parent coaching sessions in an interview with Bryony Rust from SaLT by the Sea. Bryony is coming to us from the UK where she lives on the Isle of Wight. I recommend following her on Instagram for photos of forest hikes, beach swims and toddler and preschool tips. Welcome Bryony.
Bryony: Glad to be here.
Sarah: This is Bryony’s second time on the podcast, so if you want more, scroll back to Episode 36. I’ve shared a little bit about your out of work life - will you share a bit more about what you do as a speech (I actually don’t know the term you all use) therapist?
Bryony: So here in the UK we are called speech and language therapists, hence why my business is called Salt By the Sea - although I think that ‘Communication coach’ more accurately describes the kind of work that I do.
Sarah: And since we are recording this in 2021 - still firmly in Pandemic Times, can you tell me a bit more about what you do for work and also how the Coronavirus numbers are where you live and how the pandemic has impacted your work and home life?
Bryony: It just feels like Pandemic Times is a long road, isn’t it? Certainly for my work I’ve been doing almost everything online for the last year. The majority of my work is online. Actually, there’s been some surprising benefits to that. As I work with children who are not yet talking - when we are in person it’s easy for me to dive in and work with the child, on video I am having more experiences supporting parents. So its kind of a challenging shift but it’s definitely worth the hard work.
On top of that I also run an online course for parents and offer workshops for professionals.
Sarah: Yes, that’s something that I’ve seen as a shift in my own session - doing more parent coaching. But it does feel new and different. We’ve always done parent coaching as SLP but this is a period of time where the switch to parent coaching seemed to happen fast and it’s easy to feel Impostor Syndrome when that happens.
Sarah: So, Bryony before we get started - we like to do a lightning round of random questions to get to know you better. I haven’t prepared you for these ahead of time, and it’s just a quick answer - are you game.
3 Things you like to do outside: climbing trees, swimming in the sea, running on muddy trails with my husband and my dog.
A favorite quote or phrase: adrienne maree brown “less prep, more presence” - I keep reminding myself of that, I can get panicked about prep and that gets in the way of the moment that is happening.
A show that brings joy: Couples Come Dine with me (a British TV classic)
An area of being an SLP that feels hard right now (just pick one): target setting - I see such value in being creative, flexible, and spontaneous with our very young children and sometimes I struggle to square that with creating targets that best serve the child.
First paid job: piano teacher, barmaid and barista all at the same time, I was saving for a little bit of a trip
Once travel opens, I will go to…: the mountains, we have sea here but I haven’t been in the mountains for a long time and I miss it
Something a kid has done that has warmed your heart: I think often it’s when children show me a specific and creative way of playing with something in a new way...back in pre pandemic times, I had a kid who pulled out a brick and told me he was checking his emails
A piece of advice you'd give to your past self: to stop sweating and just stop worrying about all the details and trusting that there is time for everything and that you don’t have to have it all figured out...to give myself a break, I think we all have high expectations of ourselves and our work.
6 Helpful questions to ask parents during parent coaching sessions
Sarah: So Bryony, you know this because we are friends outside of the podcast and I’ve said it a million times but I do think one of your gifts to the world is how you communicate with parents and kids. You are compassionate, patient, clear and you are able to sort of push past that impostor syndrome and you’ve encouraged me to ask questions to parents that I sometimes think is a bit uncomfortable. So first question - what do you do about impostor syndrome and parent communication? There are a lot of things I don’t ask parents because I’m worried they will think I’m not doing well as the child’s SLP. So can you speak to any impostor syndrome you may have experienced and how you ask questions to parents when you feel like maybe you aren’t doing a great job with the kids and you may not want to hear the answer?
Bryony: Impostor syndrome is something we all have experienced. I definitely have noticed how the more I desire having a flat hierarchy with parents and establishing that we both share expertise and relevant observations to share the less I worry about impostor syndrome.
But I definitely experience it and when I started opening my independent practice and getting on YouTube, I really started feeling it - and catatrophizing how people may criticize us.
For parent coaching, a part of that is asking parents how things are going and how things are, so I can imagine the potential of imagining the parent doesn’t think you are doing a good job and that keeping us up at night. But the process of tuning into children and sharing the sometimes hard observations and important details is important for everyone.
When I was in the in person sessions, part of my impostor syndrome was putting the parent in the chair and working with the child was part of my impostor syndrome...I think we also notice how parents bring their own sense of impostor syndrome to that...we have to get comfortable with not always feeling comfy with what is happening and to embrace the awkward silence...but it does teach us something.
Sarah: How would you describe your parent coaching model and your communication style with parents?
Bryony: I think even when we are short on time, it’s really important to build a trusting relationship...we need to spend time listening and being compassionate in that. And speaking of impostor syndrome, it’s taken me awhile to focus on compassionate listening as a starting point for sessions, I used to hide behind a clipboard and quantifiable stuff, but really being able to truly listen is an important thing. A parent brings a lot to these sessions, and we can achieve more when we listen to them...and I work to use similar language in how we describe their child. Listening first, building trust, acknowledging things feel vulnerable...and going from there.
Sarah: Oh, I do this, and I think part of it was how I was taught but its also a part of impostor syndrome - hiding behind the clipboard and wanting to be the expert.
Bryony: The more we can bring this principle of open curiosity to sessions...I think you mentioned wonder before and I think this can be valuable. We are looking to watch a child, see what they do, open our eyes and start with that.
Top go-to questions or statements within parent coaching sessions
So how are things going? What’s prompted you to get in touch with me now?
This is a really open question. This is really important because we know communication is an ecosystem and we’re trying to get a sense of what everyday life is like. Asking an open ended question like this is working toward that flat hierarchy...it’s more of a way of “let me sit alongside you and see what is happening for you now.”
Often things like sleep, siblings, parents returning to work - a variety of things come up as well. That is helpful for me to know to understand the context in which the child is growing up and learning.
I will use this for an initial session, but also at the start of each session...it tells me a bit about parents home practice time and what has been successful for them or tricky for them and gives us a focus for our sessions.
Is it alright if we just hang out today?
I want to see how your child plays, how they get your attention. We want to look out for the subtle things that they are doing, so we can build on these skills and make more of them over time.
Parents will share with me that fear of judgement from professionals in the first session. So whatever I can do for that first session and giving an opportunity to notice what a child is doing and give the parent a place to not feel judged. It establishes that the therapist has no expectation of “doing to” the child. Instead we are looking toward building on the early communication steps the child may be taking. This reduces pressure on all of us.
There is that natural power imbalance, isn’t there? Anything we can do to honor what a parent is observing is helpful.
I see how your child is_____________ What do you think about that?
This helps me to invite the parent to over time share their experience and over time build that trust and that I value parent input. I value how you notice and interpret what your child is doing, and then I add to that next steps for the child. This helps us have a dialog rather than “I’m an expert and this is why I prescribe x, y, z.”
I wonder what would happen if you [insert communication strategy here]?
Establish sense of open curiosity.
We know as professionals we have strategies we pull out and want parents to do. So I try and introduce that with “I wonder what would happen if you tried …” - if you just paused for a minute, if you got even lower so you were face to face.
By starting with “I wonder” I’m encouraging the parent to observe what happens and that all children are different, and then we can talk about it. I use video feedback in my sessions as well, so I can record what is happening so the parent can view that and reflect on that.
What we’ve seen today - does that feel typical?
This give the parent an opportunity to share what they want to say, and that helps us to make sure that I’ve seen the child and have a sense of their communication, and that we are on the same page.
What’s one thing that you’re going to take from our chat today and maybe try out at home?
This is one of the most vulnerable for me and the parent and its an opportunity to embrace the awkward silence. I do need to pause and wait. Really, I’m asking the parent to reflect on our session and I’m interested to see what is their highlight point. Just asking them to generate one thing they are thinking about and a practical idea they are going to try out helps me know what struck home for them and it also means they are choosing their homework rather than me which makes them more likely to do it.
Three good things
Sarah: And if you are listening and want to see these six questions written out, take a look at the show notes on the website: www.slphappyhour.com/show-notes
Because it’s so hard to stop and recognize the good and when times are tough, what are 3 good things you are noticing lately?
Bryony:
One - Sunday tea with custard choux buns
Two - Repotting plants to give them more room
Three - lying on the floor with dog Rolo between therapy sessions
Sarah: And if our listeners want to know more about you, where can they connect with you?
Bryony: www.saltbythesea.com - and feel free to reach out and send me a message online, I’d love to hear from you.
Sarah: And we will have a video recording of us recording this episode so if you want to see a clip of this interview, go to Bryony’s YouTube Channel.
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This episode is sponsored by the Apraxia of Speech Print and Go (Or screenshare and go) homework packet in our Teacher’s Pay Teachers store. With this unit, you will have tons of no prep options for students with Childhood Apraxia of Speech working on the most common goals and objectives I target with these students. This packet has more than 20 pages to target word shapes, multisyllabic words, and some 100 trials practice. To find it go to Teachers Pay Teachers.com and search for SLP happy hour or visit the link in the show notes wherever you listen to podcasts.
Find it at: https://bit.ly/38hjIBg
